What Hurts the Most
by ayshrina tan
Summary: Over the years, she’s learned to cope with the pain. Winning hearts and rejecting them, focusing on her training and her work… all for him. Why does she even still care? “Oh yeah… that’s right,” She sighed i still love him [Rascal Flats songficoneshot]


**HI DUDES!**

**yeah i know i haven't been around for a bit, and i kindda put shall we dance on hold for a little bit (chapter 11 is on the way, and its a loooooooooong one)**

**but i heard this song for the first time a couple days ago and fell in love with it. and i was inspired to write a song fic (first one ever! woo!)**

**so i hope you guys enjoy it.**

**its SASUSAKU as always : ) so yeah.**

**song is rascal flats- "what hurts the most"**

**DISCLAIMER: i don't own naruto...or rascal flats (though it would be cool if i did : ) ! )**

** R&R**

**-lady rine **

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**What hurts the Most**

Innocent sea foam eyes fluttered open. Was it supposed to be today? Or sometime next month? Maybe it was going to be this time next year when he would return. It's not like he would care that anyone was waiting for him. Sakura rose from her bed and dragged herself to the bathroom to take a shower. She gazed at herself in the mirror. Eight long years it's been. She stood there a full grown beauty. Her short pastel locks have grown out to the middle of her back, not nearly as long as she used to have it, but short hair was hard to put up into a tight bun for work. Her skinny shapeless body had grown into full hourglass curves in the right places, earning her more than just glances but full out suitors. Don't get her wrong, she was wooed many times… but none of them seemed much of a match compared to her first love eight years ago. She thought the world of him…and he? She would never know. He's always rejecting her… when Orochimaru died Sasuke decided to get stronger on his own… without anyone. Far from Konoha… from his home, from his friends, from Kakashi, Naruto…far from her. Over the years, she's learned to cope with the pain. Winning hearts and rejecting them, focusing on her training and her work… all for him. Why does she even still care?

"_Oh yeah… that's right…"_

She sighed to herself as she towel dried her hair; she had spotted that picture of team seven again.

"_I still love him…"_

**I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house**

Sakura quickly got dressed and went off to start her day. As usual, she passed by the Uchiha manor on her way to the training grounds… it used to bother her…

**That don't bother me**

But now it doesn't. She continued on her way. She thought about how she used to cry so much over him…

**I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out**

She hated to admit it… but even now she did.

**I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while**

But by now…she was able to control it. At least now she didn't cry every night, not even once a week or a month. Just on the day he left her… and the day he was supposed to come back. She wondered if he would ever come back. The fact that he was still gone annoyed her, it made her angry, it made her upset.

******Even though going on with you gone still upsets me**

But this is Sakura we're talking about. She's a master at hiding what she's really feeling. A mistress of illusion… anyone would be fooled by the smile she gives when she's around her friends and people she works with.

******There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok**

Many in Konoha were in awe of her. Strong and beautiful… they couldn't see the scars on her soul behind that smile of hers. The pain of loosing her family… some friends, co-workers and the one she loved with all her heart. It even surprised Sakura how she was able to get up from everything that's happened to her… she could take the death of her mother… she was sick since Sakura was 10; Sakura half expected it. She could even take Sasuke leaving her…twice…

******But that's not what gets me**

Oh how she wished she had made him come home. How she wished she could have clung to his back like she did when she was still twelve… then again… she didn't succeed then, why would she succeed now? Sakura cringed at the thought.

"_Who cares! I could have tried! I should have told him what was on my mind!"_

******What hurts the most**

FLASHBACK…

"Sasuke-kun!" She cried to the 15-year-old male in front of her. He didn't turn back.

**Was being so close**

The stoic man didn't turn around; he felt all their eyes on him. Sakura opened her mouth to call to him again. "Sasu- "

"Sakura-san, don't push him…" Sai interrupted coming up behind her placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, she turned her gaze to him. Sakura's mouth closed, he gave her a smile to cheer her up, and Sakura smiled back slightly in return and nodded. Sai was right. Neither of them saw Sasuke twitch slightly at the sight.

**And having so much to say**

Naruto was unconscious from the fight with Orochimaru, Sai walked over to help Yamato carry him back to Konoha. Sasuke turned his back fully to them.

"Go home Sakura." He said.

**  
And watching you walk away**

Sakura turned back to Sasuke just in time to see him walk off. She frowned. _"SASUKE! SASUKE!" _Tears started to swell up in her eyes…

**And never knowing**

She wanted to run after him, latch on to him, and beg him to take her with him.

**What could have been**

She would do anything. He was her world. The reason she existed. She wanted to tell him that what she felt wasn't just a childhood crush… it was love.

**And not seeing that loving you**

Sakura held her hands close to her heart as she watched his figure fade in the distance. They balled into fists as her emotions got the better of her. She made a run for it. Sakura opened her mouth to call his name. "SAS- " a hand covered her mouth from behind and an arm wrapped around her thin waist.

"Sakura-san, don't." Sai cooed into her ears. Sakura let her tears fall in defeat, but she complied with a nod as he let go of her.

"Let's go guys." Yamato called to his team

**Is what I was tryin' to do**

Sai let Sakura go from his grasp and went back to carry Naruto.

Sakura paused for a moment staring into the distance. Sasuke was gone already. She bowed her head, her hair covering her face. "I lost him again…" she whispered to herself. A tear fell to the ground beneath her.

"Sakura?" Yamato called her once more. She wiped her tears dry, turned and flashed them her famous smile.

"HAI! Coming!"

Unaware of the shadow watching them all.

…END FLASHBACK

Sakura shook her head, releasing her of the past's grasp on her memory. She continued her walk leaving the Uchiha compound far behind her.

**It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go**

She passed the academy. Memories flooded into her mind of the good old days when she was so carefree and happy. But alas those days were good and gone now; Sakura forced them out of her mind. She kept on walking; the training area came into view. Sakura couldn't help her wondering eyes from falling upon a sparing dummy. Tears swelled as she could have sworn she saw Sasuke's 12-year-old form training there, he turned his face to look at her, turned back threw a punch or two the vanished as she blinked again.

"My mind is playing tricks on me…" Sakura whispered to herself wiping the tears from her eyes. Sakura choked back sobs and blinked back the tears as she reminisced the days with team 7.

**But I'm doin' It**

"SAKURA!" a cheery voice called from behind her. Sakura turned around to face the glowing smile of her best friend Ino.

"Hey." Sakura greeted with a smile.

**It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone**

Her friends walked up to her; Naruto with Hinata at his side, Neji with Ten Ten holding a small child, and Ino (and her growing belly) with Shikamaru. They looked on her with concern.

"Neh Sakura-chan?" Naruto started. "Are you alright?"

**Still Harder**

"Hai." Sakura responded. _"They're all together… everyone has someone… everyone but me."_ She thought in her head.

So there they were having a picnic in the park all eight (and a half) of them. They chatted away while Sakura pretended to listen zoning out into her own world… the world of past memories and... "Sasuke…" She said his name in a voice lower than that of a whisper. _"I should have stayed in bed today…"_ Sakura thought… she was happier in her dreams of him…

**Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret**

"Sakura-chan?" Naruto heard her… he knew what today was.

"Yes?" She seemed to snap out of her thoughts and pretended to be happy again.

"Can I talk to you?" He asked getting up. Sakura nodded and followed his lead away from the laughing group of friends.

**But I know if I could do it over**

"What is it Naruto?" Sakura asked doing her best to stay cheerful.

"You were thinking about him again weren't you…?" Naruto asked quietly. He felt Sakura's fake smile fade, a dominant frown taking over. The two of them already knew how this would work out. What would make today any different?

"Hai…" She answered her head shifting to the side as her arms crossed her chest.

**I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart**

"I want to believe that Sasuke would come back…" Naruto started. "We did everything we could…"

"No we didn't…" Naruto knew she was close to tears. "We should have stayed with him Naruto!"

"He didn't want us to!" It was rare that he yelled at her… this would only be the second time.

"I don't care! At least he would have been here!" She yelled back.

"NO HE WOULDN'T! Sakura you know him!" She winced slightly at the omitting of the –chan after her name. "He would have knocked you out and left you!"

"NO!" She argued.

"YES! HE'S DONE IT BEFORE!"

Sakura cringed. Naruto was right.

"Nothing I or Sai or sensei or even you Sakura have said to him would have made him stay!"

**That I left unspoken**

"No… I should have…" Sakura started.

"Sakura-chan…" Naruto cooed knowing where she was going; he didn't want her to do this again.

"I should have…" Her tears started to fall no matter how many times she told her self to stop. "I could have…"

"No Sakura-chan…it's not your fault." He pulled her into a hug trying to make her stop crying.

**What hurts the most**

"Yes it is…" she whispered into his chest. Naruto only held her tighter like a father his daughter. Hinata came from the picnic to check on them. Hinata frowned right away when Naruto gave her that "don't tell anyone she's like this gain" look. Hinata nodded and turned back to assure their group that everything was okay.

**Is being so close**

Naruto turned his attention back to Sakura.

"Naruto…" She began. "I didn't tell him… how angry I was at him for leaving me."

She pulled away from his grasp, supporting herself on her knees.

**And having so much to say**

"And I didn't tell him… how pissed I was when he rejected us… again."

Sakura continued, she clenched her fists and started to push herself up

"I didn't tell him that things could be different… I let him go."

**And watching you walk away**

"I didn't tell him it had to be this way…"

She slowly pushed herself up further.

**  
And never knowing**

"I didn't tell him that he didn't have to go it alone."

She stood now, fully erect. Her fist clenched and face hidden behind pastel strands.

** What could have been**

"Sakura-chan…" Naruto looked at her wordily, "I don't want to be a downer, but would it have made a difference?"

"I don't know Naruto…"

Sakura reached up to her face and whipped away her tears.

** And not seeing that loving you**

"Sakura…" Naruto watched her get up and make her way back to the picnic.

"But at least he would have known that I still love him."

Naruto watched as the setting sun made her retreating figure nothing but silhouette. He never would have thought that he would be the one to watch Sakura turn her back.

**Is what I was trying to do**

After eating the whole gang decided to walk back home together, at least to the Northern gate where their paths split into different directions.

**  
What hurts the most**

"_Its kind of funny…"_ Sakura thought. _"Everyone's path splits at the northern gate… even his…"_

Sakura had lagged behind them. The happy couples were a good distance in front of her as she stayed behind them watching their backs. She remembered how badly she wanted what they had. And she wondered if she would ever have it.

**Is being so close**

Alas the day was over just a quickly as it had begun. Sakura felt tears swell up in her eyes as she passed a certain bench that held one too many memories. The sun set behind her as she paused for a second to gaze upon that bench. That was the same bench she first say him pass by on the way to school when they were like 4; the first tried to kiss him at; when she first tried to ask him on a date; and alas the first place she had begged him to stay with her.

**  
And having so much to say**

"_You're annoying"_ She remembered that voice oh too well. She was always talkative and had so much to say to him. She never ran out of anything… but now…

She pictured his retreating back.

**  
And watching you walk away**

Sakura sighed. She passed the bench following her friends who had gotten even further away from her.

"Sasuke…" She breathed.

She finally held her tongue, and despised herself for it.

Hot tears streamed down her cheek.

**  
And never knowing**

"_Sasuke…_" Would never know what he had bottled inside her heart and soul.

** What could have been**

"_Sasuke…" _Would never know that he was her life source, her purpose for living, her strength—her one and only important person.

** And not seeing that loving you**

"_Sasuke…"_ would never know…

"How much I love him…"

** Is what I was trying to do**

Tears fell to the ground. Sakura suddenly remembered what day it was today. The day Sasuke was supposed to return to Konoha. Every year it was the same. Sakura would go out with Naruto and her friends, eat, laugh, share… then they would all walk to the northern gate by sunset. Sakura knew what would come next. Same as every year, she mentally kicked herself for forgetting. They would reach the gate, of course she would be the last to reach, and the gate would be closed.

She didn't even bother to wipe her tears away. She knew what would be waiting o her at the gate. It would be her friends, waiting to give her a consoling hug then send her home by herself only for this to repeat again the following year.

Sakura crossed her arms across her chest. Tonight the tears came early. At least it would be easier for her to fall asleep tonight; she'd already be all cried out.

**  
Not seeing that loving you**

"Damn fucking bastard… why do I still love you?" Sakura mumbled to herself.

"You just do…" a deep voice said. It rang in her ears like an old familiar tune.

Sakura paused she didn't realize that she had caught up to her friends at the gate. And the gate, it wasn't closed, but open. Sakura's eyes widened. He was standing there in the midst of all of her smiling friends.

"S-Sasuke…" he grinned at her then advanced towards her.

"Sakura" He stopped just short of her and peered into her eyes. Sea of jade collided with the abyss, loosing them within each other.

**That's what I was trying to do**

Sakura's eyes narrowed and a smile slowly crept onto her face as she jumped on him wrapping her arms around his neck.

"SASUKE-KUN!"

More tears streamed down her face. Sasuke smiled and in turn wrapped his arms around her lean frame.

"I'm home…" He whispered into her ear.

Sakura breathed in his scent _"he's real..." _

Sasuke stroked her hair.

"Welcome home….you arrogant bastard." She giggled.

**The End**


End file.
